Indian Ladder

I started rock climbing about a year before the MCTD diagnosis. My college roommate at the time lived for the sport. We were mountain biking buddies and pretty good friends in general. It turns out that good places to mountain bike are often also good places to rock climb, so despite my fear of heights I found myself learning about rock climbing. I grew to enjoy it, but never fully fell in love with it.

When MCTD hit and I couldn't make a fist, barely button a shirt, and barely get up off the floor. It was actually through climbing, and some serious medication, that I was able to build back strength and mobility. Prior to MCTD I had a really strong grip, good for climbing! With MCTD not so much so. Ultimately my lack of hand strength is why I gave up climbing. It was too frustrating to spend time building hand strength only to have it lost with an arthritis or lupus flare up and be forced back to climbing beginner routes.

Last weekend I ended up in Moab at the base of a very short, very simple scramble/ladder climb. No ropes or gear needed. It was at the end of the day and I was tired, so the lack of gear actually scared me. No back up. I wanted to go up but was also scared to do so. Scared of falling.

     S: "Are you going up Wes?"

    M: "Yes, he is"

    Me: "I'll give it a try"

There was a section toward the start that was narrow enough that I couldn't move to the next foot hold. My back was against one wall and my knee would lodge against the opposite wall before I could get it high enough to reach the foot hold.

    Me: "I don't think this is going to work, I can't use my legs and I don't have the upper body strength  to pull myself up"

    Friends: "You can make it!"

    Me: "No really, I can't move my leg and I can't pull myself up"

    A: "I'll come down and pull you up"

    Me: "Thats okay, I'll just wait at the bottom"

    Friends: "No"

The next thing I know I have a friend right above me extending his hand to pull me up through the narrow section. And the next section. And the next. And next. I was a lot worse off physically than I originally thought. My muscles were weak, my joints not moving very well. But, with the help of friends I made it to the top. And yeah, I needed help getting back down as well. It was pretty pathetic.

During this whole event I mostly felt stupid and frustrated. I don't like being bad at things. I don't like needing help. I don't like feeling like a bother to others. I didn't like that I couldn't scramble up something that EVERYONE else did with ease.

After some more time to think about it I'm feeling grateful for their encouragement and help. I enjoy feeling independent and not needing help from others. It was a good reminder that sometimes I do need help and I'm fortunate to have people around me ready and willing to offer it. It was also a lesson that I really need to work on my upper body strength...